Friday, July 31, 2009
-Curved Lines occupy more space..
Why in this life I always feel injustice? Why i always seek for someone to understand me? Someone to listen and someone who really cares. I've got friends to share HAPPY MOMENTS but when DULL MOMENTS come, seems I'm all alone. I DO listen when someone has a problem, but when it's me who has, NO ONE tries to do it so. I want somebody to comfort me, even just in phone YET no one DOES. It's not that I'm bragging, but to tell you honestly when I have a friend who is so puzzled, who doesn't know what to do, I think of words to tell her just to comfort her, but why is it that when it's me on that kind of position, I can't feel that. I've been telling that LIFE ain't UNFAIR, to contradict may be others often say. I've got a proof: EVERYTHING has its OPPOSITE way. I may be correct, that everything has its opposite way and that proves that Life is not UNFAIR. I guess, it would just be UNFAIR if it's already TOO MUCH!
I guess what I'm experiencing right now is being TOO MUCH na. I don't know, everything is so UNFAIR! I do what I want others do to me, YET no one does! Am I born to be like that talaga? To be ALONE! I don't judge, I'm not backstabbing my friends BUT WHY they can't feel that I'm MAD, that I'm PISSED OFF!??!!! ARE THEY SO INSENSITIVE WITH WHAT I FEEL???
I don't want to give up this battle: this journey. YET I NEED people who will be really WITH ME when I NEED THEM!
I hate being the only one doing something, and that's even UNFAIR. It's not UNFAIR when you are happy today and sad tomorrow. Not UNFAIR when you laugh so hard and cry later. Not UNFAIR when you win today and loose tomorrow.
Now, I don't know where this thing went. It has turned into a lot of direction. HAha. All i know is that, there's only one point I want to tell: it's
WHAT I FEEL AT THIS VERY MOMENT. :(
Friday, July 24, 2009
-Gravity pulls me so much..
Seated at the corner, reading the instructions.. I guess i had understood it because I really read what is in it. I was even the first one who finished it, it's just that I didn't pass immediately my test paper. Yes, I'm talking about exam here. We just had our First Long Test. It may be
JUST a Long Test, still it has the same weight with Periodical Test to me, to US. Going back to the topic..I passed it na, I was just the second one. So, it was just the two of who were still outside. We were somehow saying that it was easy. It was just like that and like this. The time passed, we were already many outside talking about the finished exam. Then the
A B C D .... topic popped up.
THEN, I realized that i didn't follow the instruction given!I wrote
1 2 3 4.... instead of
LETTERS! See, it was 10 points. It's a big loss. Though, it was just a minor subject. My point is just that I was so stupid not understanding the given instruction.
Another situation.. I dreamed of being a writer. My friends know that, I guess. I don't tell it to others, yet even if
I don't, they could still know my ability right?
I was so excited to start our project in English which is broadcasting. Since the start, I've been telling the secretary that I will be going to contribute on the script. I was even given a scoop already and I was already planning the concept of it but suddenly seems the world turned round wherein I was put at the bottom part.
We were having our finalization about the topic and so on including the writers of the script. It's not my attitude to volunteer myself, I waited for her to ask me to write about it, but OMG! it torn me apart when she asked the other one. I don't know but I felt so low with myself when I was not the one she asked. I waited for my friends to volunteer me, still no one did. It was so unfortunate that my other friend who believes in me was not there to volunteer me. I know, it was my fault not volunteering myself yet it hurt me so much asking the other one and
NOT ME.J ust try to look at the deep black round
O nly silence is what it requires
A midst they sticky curling nerves I know you found
N ote of mine that often hides
N othing I could ask for more
E ach time you no longer throw a doubt
E ach word no longer a roar
L istening into it makes me feel so warmth
I had wished for this thing to happen, and now before my eyes they are seen and now sharpened.
A poem having the acronym of my name. Is that so hard to understand? Why my friend said that it's so hard to understand. Does it mean that she doesn't understand me at all? It hurts to hear those words coming from someone I thought who understands me.
It contains what I want to tell to those who don't believe on what I can do. It tells how I want to be treated and how I eagerly want to be known as someone like that not just someone one loves goofing around and making some papansin.
I was so down, being so
stupid.. being
not trusted and being
not understood.
"
I am an artist on my own eyes.. Although people may fail to see it that way," as what the one featured on the article I just read a while ago said. It's true right. It's just the matter of
YOU and
YOU alone when you don't have others.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
-Things that are silent killers! RAWR!
That flirty luscious wind that often follows my open eyes. Making my ear busy by listening to that old song. Reading a super long yet hooey story! What else? Oh, doing nothing, nothing and
NOTHING! Those often bring boredom right? But I realized, subject could make you feel more bored than anything else.
Okay, I'll enumerate the subjects that are known as our sleeping pills.
FIRST YEAR:1.
MATH- OMAGAD! Don't know why it didn't hold my interest. Talking about numbers, damn it could kill me! Instead of listening, we simply ate. To keep boredom away. YUUUUUMMY!:D
2.
REL. ED- I don't know. It bored me out. Really, not because I don't find GOD interesting ha. I guess, all we had just had that projector at the center and discussed what was there. Ooopz, no matter how boring this was, it was just the only subject that made me (US) really CRY.
3.
L.E- another odd subject. Why do we need to have like this? It's i don't know!
4.
A.P- i don't like our teacher here. Whenever he discussed, seems that he had just 2 or 3 students. He focused on those ALONE! Playing favoritism! Yuck.
5.
FILIPINO- I didn't understand ibong adarna. HAha. NO, i did pala. It's just that i didn't feel the activities we had. Haha.
6.
HOMEROOM- This became a MATH subject. All we did was to pay for our fines and heard a homily. LOL.
SECOND YEAR:
1.
MATH- Again! I just really hate NUMBERS!
2.
REL. ED- It was boring! You couldn't even talk to your seatmates 'coz you might be caught. But it's like worth it like that. Atleast I had learned db?
3.
MUSIC- men! Sing those japanese and other chuchu songs! Who cares with that anyway?!
4.
L.E- I don't know. I don't like it. It is my sleeping pill. Everyone seems nakayuko when we were having the discussion. Though i love our teacher it. <3
5.
HEALTH- What did we do here? Aaah, research for that R.A... Just that. We did nothing!
THIRD YEAR:1.
MUSIC- Swear! It was nakaka antok. THat gong, gong gong! Yikes! Seems no one was really listening during discussion. Everyone was keeping themselves awake. I even sat at the floor so that he wouldn't see that i was nakayuko na.
2.
REL. ED- Oh, poor subject! We didn't discuss. Sometimes chitcatting makes you sleepy too. That's what we did eh. no formal discussion. Pathetic!
3.
MATH- Not really for me. But when it was on 1-3 pm, no choice but to fight the sleepiness right? pero often naman, we laugh at what she says. It's just like an ice breaker. Haha.
4.
CHEMISTRY- I guess no one should be sleeping in this subject. But, but.. When the topic is not interesting oh, you couldn't help your eyes from falling.
FOURTH YEAR:1.
REL. ED- OMG! SUPERB! Her voice was so so soft! We have discussion at the AVR kasi, that's why my classmates often say; "Take your time guys. Baka magsisi kayo." It's not a joke. It's true! 'Coz when you're there already, you might just fall asleep. Everyone is yawning talaga! haha
2.
PHYSICS- It's boring. It's full of MATH right?
Thanks to the ice breakers, it makes enjoyable somehow. Haha.
3.
A.P- Shocks! I didn't expect that this would be this boring! i loved history for the past years, but now?!! IDK!!
4.
FILIPINO- Shit! Better not have this subjct if it would be just like this. Many days had passed already yet we haven't finished one topic pa. OMada, pano naman kasi our teacher keeps on repeating and repeating her words. Tapos when she discusses na, seems her thoughts are in lined with the topic. Errr!
Students will die not because of the lessons. because of
BOREDOM!
Friday, July 3, 2009
-Got Nervous!
We had our Rel. Ed class at the AVR a while, so we were 20 minutes late for our next subject, Physics. We immediately went inside of course but as we pray, one my groupmates talked to our teacher if she could excuse us from her subject to perform our role play to the other section-- St. Michael. Of course we were shocked. We didn't know that we're going to show what we did to other eyes. (We're not used to act in front of them eh.) Ayun, we got nervous. We were not prepared. Of course if you're not prepared haw could you act as what you have done on the first one db? Though we didn't know how to throw that anxiety, we still managed to stood up infront of them and perform.
After performing, we don't know if they liked it or what.. If they understood the play or not. Everything was a question.
After that shocking thingy we did, again i felt the same thing ( no, it's worse than the first one) when i heard my classmates at my back talking about the screening for the SJI-an STAFFS. I wasn't ready, I didn't know what to write. My heart pump so loud and so fast. I even felt vomiting like that because of my nervousness and my knees were even trembling when I was cleaning na.
After hearing that, I thought of what i was going to write, and the title, "The Beginning of the End" popped up on my mind. I was planning to apply as a feature writer kasi. Then ayun, we went to the library na, filled up the paper that was given to us and gave the topic. It was about what happened last Friday. I was finished na while the others were not yet. Mine was not that long.
Tapos, everyone was done na. So i went to the tambayan namin, i sat at the kubo then my classmate asked that and this.. Tapos, he said "news writing is easier." I disagreed yet asked why.. he answered "kasi in feature writing you have to think of more words." Then suddenly i remembered, "OH my GOD! What i did was a news not a feature writing! I remembered that a feature is more detailed!" Ayun, i was so so so DUMB!
Seems the world fell in me. I got that heavy feeling. My dream was no longer there. OHMG! DI na ako makukuha!
Well, whatever! at least i tried na db. It's just that i was so STUPID that it's there na, i had loosen the grip pa! GRR.
It's just my first step towards my dream. OKay, just accept it JOANNE! It's now your time. haha:)
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
-MATH really SUCKS!!
Who among you doesn't hate MATH?! Well, may be there will be those who will answer "I don't hate math, rather i love it." But admit it, most of the people we know hate math. Those brain-bleeding equations really suck!
Oh my God,yesterday i felt so dumb! As in so
DUM-DUM! We were having a quiz, no.. actually just an exercise. I was getting a hard time answering those thingies then my teacher sat beside. (There was a vacant chair kasi..) Ayun, he was looking at everyone's paper then he saw me answering at scratch paper.. Ayun, he get my pencil (I lost my pen kasi) then wrote the answer on my notebook. It was a relief for me but saying "Practice solving mentally" Oh, just meant that i'm really stupid. Coming those from a teacher's mouth? Who wouldn't believe it db? EEER!
Tapos kanina, we had a quiz and know what?!! I got
1 out of
10! Shit! I was really teary-eyed. I'm so tudpid!
Damn MATH! YOU SUCK!!!
No matter how i try to love numbers, they still don't love me!!
LETTERS over NUMBERS will forever be on my heart!
BURY that MATH na!
haha..
